If you ever have a problem with a raccoon, one of the worst animals ever, then here are some rough details for a raccoon trap.
1. Hollow out a log, like half way down so it is like a wooden cup, but a bit bigger than a cup you would drink out of (unless you're really thirsty)
2. Drive some nails into the log at an angle, so that the pointy ends are pointing down toward the bottom of the cup.
3. Put a really shiny coin at the bottom of the 'cup.' Make sure it's real shiny.
Bam, raccoon trap! The stupid, giant rodent will come along and be so attracted to the shiny coin that it will want to grab it. Thing is, the nails will let it slide it's dumb hand in there and grab onto the coin, but when it has the coin in it's fist, it's hand become too big to get past the nails and it becomes stuck. And you'd think it'd just let go of the coin, right? Wrong! Raccoons are so stupid, they want that coin more than anything and will never let go, leaving you free to come along a club them in the head. Christ, figure it out raccoon!
This last part is optional, you could just find a way to set it free. I mean, it's a dumb animal, maybe the stupidest thing in the world, but doesn't mean you can be mean to it. Actually, this trap is pretty inhumane, so don't, like take advantage of the Raccoon's stupidity. Just make fun of it on the internet.
Seriously though, I'd kill myself if I ever found myself stuck in a trap with the only thing standing in the way of my freedom is me not opening my fist and dropping the coin.
There's a metaphor in there somewhere...
No comments:
Post a Comment