Finding Fully Formed Chicken Parts In An Egg Once I Crack It Open

That would ruin eggs for me, and I LOVE eggs.

Biking Up A Hill That Gradually Gets So Steep That I Flip Over Backwards And Snap My Neck

"Oh hey, that hill don't look so bad, I'll go that-a way."

*bike bike bike bike bike biiike biiiiiiike biiiiiiiiike WHOA flip SNAP dead*

Any Animal That Can Eat Me

Sharks

Bears

Komodo Dragons

Large Dogs

Wolves

Dinosaurs

Giant Birds

Tigers

Really Big Fat Guys

Lions

Wolverines

Piranhas

Whales (most whales wouldn't eat you on purpose, but they've got really big mouths you could accidentally find yourself in.)

Really Hungry Monkeys

Cheetahs

Big Snakes

Hyenas

A Cyclops

Any robotic versions of the above animals.

Seeing My Own Skeleton

Skeletons are probably the grimmest reminder of our own mortality. That makes them scary in just a general sense.

A skeleton's cavernous eyes and menacing smile replacing the familiar comfort of a human face. The thin, wonky movements. The pure evil that is managing to keep those bones together and keep them animated. Little subtle reminders that this creature was once human. It's an awful image.

Really, how do you fight a skeleton? I mean, it's already just bones, and what are you going to do to bones? If something has been stripped to the bones, there is nothing left you can threaten it with. You're left to just be mauled by a skeleton until you become nohting but one yourself. A skeleton is a human stripped of it's identity, a blank canvas with which only pure evil applies it's brush.

That's why it is terrifying when ever you skin a finger, or suffer a horrific arm break, bone jutting through the skin. It is in these moments that you are reminded that there is one of these right inside you! When you suffer an injury such as this, it is as though your skeleton is trying to get out. Don't kid yourselves, people. Laying in wait beneath your skin is a monster just waiting for the chance to escape.

All Music Being Erased Except For The Songs Of David Wilcox As Performed By David Wilcox

Not necessarily a fear of mine in and of itself, but if this ever happens it can only mean that hell has broken out on earth and that the end if nigh.

"Some people caaaaaall me a baaaaaad apple..."

Being As Dumb As A Raccoon

If you ever have a problem with a raccoon, one of the worst animals ever, then here are some rough details for a raccoon trap.

1. Hollow out a log, like half way down so it is like a wooden cup, but a bit bigger than a cup you would drink out of (unless you're really thirsty)

2. Drive some nails into the log at an angle, so that the pointy ends are pointing down toward the bottom of the cup.

3. Put a really shiny coin at the bottom of the 'cup.' Make sure it's real shiny.

Bam, raccoon trap! The stupid, giant rodent will come along and be so attracted to the shiny coin that it will want to grab it. Thing is, the nails will let it slide it's dumb hand in there and grab onto the coin, but when it has the coin in it's fist, it's hand become too big to get past the nails and it becomes stuck. And you'd think it'd just let go of the coin, right? Wrong! Raccoons are so stupid, they want that coin more than anything and will never let go, leaving you free to come along a club them in the head. Christ, figure it out raccoon!

This last part is optional, you could just find a way to set it free. I mean, it's a dumb animal, maybe the stupidest thing in the world, but doesn't mean you can be mean to it. Actually, this trap is pretty inhumane, so don't, like take advantage of the Raccoon's stupidity. Just make fun of it on the internet.

Seriously though, I'd kill myself if I ever found myself stuck in a trap with the only thing standing in the way of my freedom is me not opening my fist and dropping the coin.

There's a metaphor in there somewhere...

Walking Through The Woods And Stepping On An Old, Long Forgotten Bear Trap, Or Some Such Similar Device

Keep your eyes peeled while walking through that forest, friends.